I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
