Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
