everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he thought i was a dude.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
