she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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