totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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