Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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