Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
