this just has baby written all over it
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
