She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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