Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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