very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
