i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
