K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
