That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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