Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
This is my gift to your gina
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
