Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
