Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
