i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
