Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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