I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
