she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize