Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
