Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
they need to just BURY HIM!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
