I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
