just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
