I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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