Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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