Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
