he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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