just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
