It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
