a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize