whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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