Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
