I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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