How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
