i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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