i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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