38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
