Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize