Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
