Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
