Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
