my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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