the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
