Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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