Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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