Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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