dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
