Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize