I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
