my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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