Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Holy shit dude........stairs
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