I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
