Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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