I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
