No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
