there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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