The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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