I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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