"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
