She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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