Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
