I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
