yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
