did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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