Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
