i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
