Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
