Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
