Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
