i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
