He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
