Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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