im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
