So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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