I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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