i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
