Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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