The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
