you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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