if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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