you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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