i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i think my mom watched the whole time
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
