On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
