Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
