It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize