Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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