And to think..we used to do everything sober...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
