I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize