my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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