she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
