You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
