yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize