The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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