so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
