I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
