Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
