His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I understand Curling. That high.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
