Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
