direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
