it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
