i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Pants are for mortals
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
