I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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