We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
