If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize