I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
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