That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
