I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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